It’s OK: to say, I am lonely!

How many of us walk around with a smile on your face but lonely on the inside?🙋🏽‍♀️

Over the last year I have done a lot of work on myself and today, at least , for me I have done something that I have never done before. I admitted to myself that I am lonely; I also told myself that it is OK!

I am not lonely because I am being rejected, I am lonely because I am saying NO! I am lonely because unlike my past, I NOW see the red flags from the beginning. I am lonely because I enforce what I want from a relationship from the beginning. So why hide the fact, I am lonely?

Once, I admitted that to myself, I felt relief. Relief from trying to hide from myself that I still think about a person. It’s funny, when you are doing the work on yourself, how you discover new things about yourself. Over the last year, I have put ME first and took the time to educate me on myself. I started taking care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially. I don’t know what is worst: lying to yourself or not knowing yourself.?

Once I focused on me, I was happier. I stopped doing a lot of things. I started setting boundaries with everyone in my life. I started cutting people out my life who was not good for my mental health. I walk more, I pay attention to my health, to the way I look. I focus on what is important to me.

I do wonder sometimes, had I began admitting to myself sooner, what would my love life look like right now? But then again, no. I am happy with what I went through because I came out on the other side a better person. A happier person. People (jobs too) come and go for a reason and if you don’t let go when you are suppose to, the universe will force them out and you will not be happy. I know because I wasn’t. I wasn’t ready to let go, he still left. I started to fight for myself harder than I fought for him or with him.

When I get lonely, I process my thoughts. I put on my music, lay in bed, close my eyes, vibe out and process. I don’t control my thoughts, I let my brain just Thought dump. When I first started, I would rabbit hole it for hours and hours, days and days, months and months. I just didn’t process my current sutuation, I processed me as well. My thoughts over time went to my childhood. It went to my trauma. It went to just me. That made me to start having conversations with myself and others that I never thought I could. This is just because I allow every emotion, every tear, every thought flow through my system. One minute I will cry, the next I would laugh. I found out things about myself I never knew existed. I became a better person. I became a different person.

After I don’t know how long, my process would take less time. If I encounter a trigger, then I process longer. But now, I process the days events and that’s it, except for today. One cool thing about my process is that, when I am in deep deep thought, the music fades. I can not tell you what I see, I’m just so focused. I am always in the bed with the covers so tight I can not move. I lay as still as possible, eyes closed. Once my mind is clear, just at any random moment, the music begins to come back and I feel free. My mind is super clear and nothing bothers me. The music is enjoyable again. The same song that made me cry and depressed, now I’m dancing, now I’m having my own personal concert and I am the headliner.

I saw on YouTube . Nightbirde auditioning for AGT singing her song titled It’s Ok. Her story, her song, her performance was so spectacular it changed my life. I highly recommend it! And if you love it, watch the tribute performance. Her song came on and I felt compelled to watch the video and as usual, I needed that. The stress I had left.

I felt compelled to tell my story. That is why I created this platform. No one should ever feel alone!

“Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life’s cruelest irony.”

Douglas Coupland